Mahala F. Atchison Principal Mary Polese Reflects on 25 Years in Tinton Falls

Mahala F. Atchison (MFA) Principal Mary Polese is celebrating her 25th year in the school district and bidding it a fond farewell.  Polese is retiring on June 17 when the school shutters its doors for summer vacation and you get the sense that MFA will never be the same again.  Not better, nor worse. The district and school is held in high regard and recieves high marks and praise for the quality education it delivers to Tinton Falls children, and that will surely continue, but Polese, known as a receptive, imaginative, compassionate and no-nonsense administrator, has brought a certain artistic flair to the duties of her post. 

The school practically breathes that air of intelligent whimsy and it shows on every wall and window, into every classroom, at every assembly and on the faces of the 700 plus girls and boys who attend MFA.  There is an artful confidence and feeling that opportunity abounds at MFA.  Polese spent 20 years of her tenure there as the school's art teacher, a position she marinated and excelled in and, that led her to her role and calling as an administrator with a necessary understanding of how the mind, heart, ego and imagination share equal roles in shaping children into adults and adults into healthy human beings. 

Patch correspondent Steve Rogers sat down with Polese as the school year and her own career at MFA crescendos and comes to a close.

Steve Rogers: What did you want to be when you were the age of your students?

Mary Polese: I wanted to be an artist. When I was little, in primary school I just always wanted to make things and it didn’t matter if it was paper or fabric … I liked to use my hands and I just knew that’s what I wanted to do.

S.R.: Was there an appreciation for art at home that fostered that interest?

M.P.: Yes, my parents … my mother especially. My father was a wonderful man.  He was the epitome of kind.  He seemed very stern if you didn’t know him, but he was actually very gentle.  In fact … my brother and I remember, all of our time in school, even through college, he never looked at our report cards.  He would ask us to just do the best we could do and he’d ask us if we were doing the best we could do.  And because he was so genuine, you couldn’t possibly lie to the man.  And if you were having a problem he would sit and listen and talk with us and try and help us figure it out.

So my parents presented themselves in conventional lives, but they were actually unconventional thinkers.  My grandmother was a dress maker and my mother worked in fashion.  They worked on Seventh Avenue in New York.  My parents were both from up there, Hoboken, and my family still lives up there.  And we were just always around art.

S.R.: Besides your parents was there an influence that nurtured you the way you do here with the MFA kids?

M.P.: Yes.  When I was a teenager, my Uncle Joe asked me to do a drawing of the head of David for him.  He had this beautiful brownstone and he had the piece hung in this magnificent frame in his dinning room until he died some four years ago.  And when he would introduce me, he’d say, "This is my niece, she’s an artist."  That was the most important thing.  Those are the things that really drive you.  Those are the things you want your kids to experience.

Then there was also this teacher I had in high school, a nun and she came to me and she asked, "Do you like to draw?" and I didn’t know what to say, but I told her I did and she made me the art editor of the school newspaper and from then on … my life changed.

S.R.: It’s those othewise small moments in other people’s lives that mean so much to us as growing humans isn’t it?

M.P.: Exactly.  I think educators have a responsibility to look and find those moments.  That’s a part of the art of teaching.  Because when the moments gone for a child … you can’t recapture it or re-manufacture it. 

Also, we need to let them have time to enjoy their success without just checking it off the list, "Oh you got that done, good, let’s move on to the next challenge."  We need to respect that moment of achievement.  We need ceremony because ceremony confirms.

S.R.: What can we learn from our kids?

M.P.: I think a good lesson for adults is to live in the moment and be positive … we need to emulate children’s positive attitude and perspective on things because they are so unblemished by life.  I think it would have a tremendous effect in our lives.

S.R.: Tell me about your career.

M.P.: Well first I taught in a public school in Plainfield.  It was awesome.  I taught in three buildings and I traveled.  And as much as I enjoyed it.  I left there because the violence was so bad.  I was actually hit by a drunk driver right outside the school, pushed into a telephone pole and they had to get me out with the jaw’s of life.  And I wasn’t hurt so bad but I could hear the kids on the playground screaming, "Miss Polese’s dead! Miss Polese’s dead!"

And one other time the check cashing place across the street was held up and we heard gun shots and we ordered the children to "Hit the ground!"

So eventually I just said, "I’m not going back," and I quit my job.  I had no job.  I had nothing, nothing!  And I was on the beach and my sister says, "There’s an ad here for a school in Tinton Falls … they’re hiring."  So I went.  It was the Friday before Labor Day weekend and they said they wanted me to meet the superintendent and I thought, "Oh good!," because when they tell you that, it means if he or she likes me, I’m getting it.  And I got it and that’s how my career started here … on the beach.

And this was heaven … I felt like they sent me to Disney World when I came here.  When I was the art teacher, I would get grants and they would let me go study and I would come back and I would turn this entire school into different themes and for the art shows there would be long lines.  We’d have 500 people wanting to get in here.  I’d bring in the high school jazz band and acrobats.  It was unbelievably fun!  We change how people saw kid’s art in the district and the building.

S.R.: What made you make the leap from that to administrator?

M.P.: I don’t know.  I was just a bossy kid.  And I never knew I was bossy.  I just had ideas in my head and I couldn’t keep them there.  And then people here would push me and little by little they’d give me more duties and I realized I like it.  It gave me more and more opportunity to direct people.  And I realized for all the things I wanted to do … it was best for me to be an administrator.  But it’s quite a dance you have to do … because you want your colleagues to still like you.  So little by little I learned to do this and that … write grants, get funding … and also, I’ve been very lucky … people have been good to me.  And now as I reflect on my career I realize … I’ve been given an opportunity … and that has made all the difference.  What else can someone give you but an opportunity.  It’s everything.

And just like I know how it’s time for me to do something else now, back then, it was time for me to leave the art room.  I had to give someone else a chance and I could do more for the entire building as the principal.

S.R.: What gives you the most pleasure in terms of leading other teachers here?

M.P.: My greatest pleasure is when I see them succeed and I tell them … "My job here is to inspire you."

S.R.: What’s the most important thing you’ve learned?

M.P.: To listen … I have a you-tell-me-first policy.  It was one of the hardest things I had to learn as a kid, because you have all these thoughts in your head and you want to get them out and try them, but you need to listen to learn how.

S.R.: How have women’s roles changed in education over the years?

M.P.: Well, administrative roles became more available in the late 70s and 80s and then women administrator organizations began and networking between them began.  It’s funny, in this district the superintendent has all female administrators where in the past it was all male dominated, but we can and are still striving for more balance … more male teachers, more female administrators.  I’ve never worked in a school or district that was completely balanced.  Conventional wisdom still expects a female teacher in the classroom.

S.R.: What’s the one thing you’ll miss most about leaving MFA?

M.P.: Everyday I see six to 700 people.  I’ll never see that again.  I will never greet that many people again.

S.R.: What’s the one thing you will not miss?

M.P.: Seeing a child disappointed.  That I won’t miss.

S.R.: What are your plans for your retirement?

M.P.: To have fun!  I just want to have fun! I want to see all the fun in the world.  I’m going to work in my garden, paint … my intention is to get an exhibit somewhere in the next two years.  I haven’t been in an exhibit in over ten years.  But I feel like I need to feel rejection again.  You can’t be surrounded by people who are all the time telling you how great you are and all of that.  I don’t need another honor as long as I live. I’ve been honored to death.  Now I have to say, "Let’s get real … you’re not that good … you could get better. " I need to be student again.